Adoption. Domestic Adoption.  The journey we chose. We know this is the right journey for us. We knew going in there would be many ups and downs. We didn't know that these ups and downs would take us quite so far up or way so down low. We didn't realize it would happen over and over and over, but it has. The excitement definitely outweighs the disappointment, but that is coming from someone who has had so many disappointments we have lost count. We are a family of three just waiting to become a family of 4 or 5. We have an amazingly smart, energetic, miracle little boy.  He's almost 4 and is ready to have a baby brother or sister in our house. But it's not our time. I will hopefully be able to tell our story in order from the beginning, but today I have feelings that I need to share. The past 6 months have been the most emotional on this journey of over 3 years. We have been hurt. It's not a hurt I can even describe. It feels like losing a full term baby. These birthmothers have been part of our lives for months. When they choose to parent at the end, our hearts are broken after losing a baby we have fallen in love with. The due date of Shelly who was carrying what we thought was our baby girl was August 20st. We had found out a few weeks prior that she was going to parent. To say the least, there was a lot more drama to it than that, but that is all I can share right now. Like I said, one day I will share all...We just wanted to make it through the day and start  new on August 21st. Another first day in the journey to "our" baby.  My phone rang mid day on the 20th, and of course it was our wonderful facilitator. I answered the phone and said, "I'm ok. I promise," as tears ran down my face.  She took a few minutes to explain that she was calling because we had another birthmother who wanted to talk to us. It was like a dream.  We laughed and talked about how God's timing was perfect and this story was so close to home...literally. I called Anna (using a different name to protect bm) that day. She was the sweetest thing!! It wasn't that awkward first call. I felt comfortable talking to her. She was easy to talk to. These conversations continued for 3 months. The texts increased, and we visited her.  We were happy. All of us. She said she loved us and even called us the perfect family. ha!! We know we are far from perfect but each and every day she made sure we knew that she would not change her mind, and we were her son's mom and dad. The excitement grew...we actually had the courage to decorate the nursery.  She was so excited and asked for pictures of the nursery.  She encouraged us two get ready for our baby boy. She wanted us to tell all of our family so they could be at the hospital. Anna started seeing my doctor and met some of my closest friends.  Everyone loved her... She is such a sweet girl.  13 days before our scheduled csection, she chose to go see the birthfather and his mother. I am not going into any details about him, but she was not in communication with him at all. In fact, she moved away to put distance between them. During that meeting, I received the text..."They want to help me.  They said they will support me if I will keep the baby."  Well, to say we were shocked in an understatement. To say we were heartbroken again is an understatement.  We knew this was it! We had a date,  a scheduled c section, and an amazing birthmother who wanted this for her baby.  And it all fell apart quickly. Her plan was questioned. She was offered support so she could keep her baby...she was promised that they will be there for her and her son. And here we are.  We haven't gotten a definite answer, but we know the truth. It's over.  The baby boy we were so sure was ours will go home with someone else next week.  We will move forward, and this time we will fight.  We are ready to bring our baby home. We are ready for the perfect adoption story, and we are confident that God has an amazing plan for us. We just need your support. Please pray. Pray for birthmothers who are making this selfless decision. Pray for the families who are waiting and those who are brokenhearted, but more specifically pray for all these sweet babies.   For those of you who are constants in our lives, don't get upset if you didn't know. Please understand that we didn't share. It makes it harder when things don't happen. The questions make us relive it time and again. Brooks and I have become stronger. We have an amazing little boy who gives us very little time to "cry".  Those tears turn to smiles very quickly when he is near, but it doesn't make the pain go away. We have spent the past few days shedding a few tears because we hit a bump in the road. This is just a bump. To us, it was a huge, deep, bump, but one day it will just be that small bump in the road to a perfect ending.

I wrote the above on October 27th.  Anna took her baby boy home Nov 8th.  It was very hard but we have moved forward and are again excited about our adoption process.  I would not be able to do this without an amazing husband, family, and friends. We also have so many people who are no longer "strangers" praying for us, and I feel that all of you are traveling this journey with us.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!! We wouldn't have made it without each of you!